Twitter Otto
twitter otto
Are You Social Networking Your Way to a Relationship Break Up?
By Otto Collins
“It’s harmless! I don’t know why you’re getting so uptight about this!” Justin tells his girlfriend– and not for the first time.
He just can’t understand why she feels so threatened by the comments that Justin posts on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. He also doesn’t see why she makes such a big deal about what other women post on his wall.
To Justin, the back and forth teasing, joking and chatting he does online are all in fun. Sure, there are some women whom he dated in college, but that’s in the past. He’s not doing anything wrong and gets annoyed with his girlfriend who seems to spend an awful lot of time scoping out the activity on his various social networking accounts.
His girlfriend accuses him of flirting, trying to make her jealous and (sometimes) of having online affairs with old girlfriends. Justin is fed up with the drama over all of this in his relationship, but he also doesn’t want to lose his girlfriend because of it.
Some statistics show that around 200 million people all over the world use Facebook. This doesn’t even include those who also interact with others on networks like Twitter and MySpace.
It is truly amazing that a person can re-connect with old friends who live far away and meet new ones using social networking. It is also NOT a rarity for confusion, misunderstandings, jealousy and even infidelity to occur in connection with social networking.
There are people who do have online affairs and don’t consider that to be “really” cheating. There are also people who feel threatened by their partner’s online interactions that may truly be innocent.
Is social networking to blame for the tension, conflict and possible future break up in your love relationship or marriage?
Absolutely not!
Social networking is an online tool and YOU get to choose how you use it. This is a really important point to keep in mind.
You can create a whole lot of pain and ruin your relationship by the choices that YOU make about what you do online, especially on social network sites.
If your woman is regularly bothered or upset by your posts or how you are interacting with some of your female Facebook “friends,” don’t just dismiss her as paranoid or overly jealous. Instead, really listen to what she is objecting to.
She might have a problem with jealousy or she may be insecure.
At the same time, some of your behaviors may be fueling her jealousy and intensifying her insecurities. Take an honest look at your social networking habits and take ownership for the inappropriate or flirty things that you say or do online.
Start to think about how your woman might feel if she were to see your post or comment or “poke” to another woman. Ask yourself if this is really an action you want to take.
In other words, is connecting with this other woman (or other women) in this particular way more important than keeping trust in your love relationship strong and your connection with your partner close?
What kind of social networking restrictions should you and your partner set up?
Some heterosexual couples believe that if they ban one another from having or from interacting with friends of the opposite sex on social networking sites, all of their jealousy and trust problems will be solved.
This is not necessarily so.
If you or your partner has a tendency to be jealous or if trust is weak in your relationship, placing severe restrictions on your social networking activities may not really make a big difference.
Figure out what is causing the disconnection in your relationship (it’s probably more than just social networking) and take steps to form some new habits that will strengthen trust and bring you two closer together.
As you are honest with yourself about your online behaviors, notice it if you are tempted to flirt or act inappropriately around particular friends or contacts. For example, you might find yourself drawn to an old high school girlfriend. You realize that you seek out her Facebook posts and maybe you even IM (instant message) with her from time to time.
In cases like this, it’s probably wise for you to make an agreement with yourself (you could let your partner know about this too if you wish) to refrain from having online contact with her. You might even decide to “unfriend” her in order to remove the temptation.
You and your woman could agree to only have visible interactions with other women or men on social networking sites. This could mean an agreement not to IM with members of the opposite sex, for example.
You want to be sure you are transparent and not secretive about what you do online. This will help erase doubts that your woman may have and it can bolster trust between you two as well.
Lastly, remind yourself of what’s most important to you. If you find yourself spending more time online with Facebook or Twitter friends than you are really connecting one-on-one with your woman on a regular basis, re-think your priorities.
NY CHOW Report – Pizza at Zero Otto Nove
twitter otto
Tags: otto, twitter, twitter otto, twitter otto cake, twitter ottobar, twitter ottolenghi, twitter otton solis
